The Life of Henry

.... and so I face my final curtain. Well hopefully I'll be facing a ham and cheese omlette and a cuppa tea soon, but hey..............

SOOOOOOOOO people I actually have more than a few minutes to update you properly.

Many many thanks to those of you still tuning in.... and apologies about slackness in the last week or so - Singapore too expensive, then on the road for 2 days solid, then internet on Ko Phi Phi was 2 quid/hour. Seriously! I won't pay more than 50p/hour in London so I was f&&ked if I was paying that much.

ANYWAYS so I was in Krabi last time, right?

A quiet one - checked out the locals' night food market... always gotta love those. C.H.E.A.P. food and only locals eating it, which 1) is a fabulous cultural experience and 2) means the food's gotta be good. (rather unimaginatively) had a Pad Thai, which was gorgeous... made lots of grunts and hand signals to the 2 girls sitting next to me. Bad that I didn't learn any of the language, but hey this was a whistle-stop tour. It was yummy anyway.

Finished off with a 'Thai Pancake', which wasn't batter but was a small ball of dough which kinda made a miniature, v thin, pizza thing but obviously I had chocolate smothered allllllllllllllllllllll over mine. Oh joy to the small things in life.

Oop early next morning, omlette, picked up @ 8am and got taken to the 'Ao Nang' pier (secondary pier with an earlier boat).

And then the trouble started.

Like I've said before, I'm not a beach person. I'm not a laying-in-the-sun-for-hours-doing-f&&k-all kinda girl. My English Rose skin doesn't see sun from one year to the next.

However, sitting on top of a boat, wind rushing through my hair, beautiful limestone creations jutting out of the sea, early morning sun on me.... well I can do this.

So I did.

2 hours later I was more sunburned than I'd ever been in my life.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooh it hurt.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooh I was silly.

As completely unaccustomed as I am to seeing any sun (those in England will confirm that we haven't really had a summer for 2 years now), and as obviously relaxed as my brain and common sense had become, it didn't register that a bit of sunscreen would've been a good idea.

Anyways I won't go on about it, but it was really quite impressively glowing and emitting an AWFUL lot of heat.

Sooooooooooo I rocked up at Ko Phi Phi... on first impression I thought, well, yeah this is kinda pretty, but not earth-shatteringly beautiful like everyone says.

Got to my hotel... 6 quid/night (one of the more basic ones, obviously). Cockroaches (large). Loo paper (none - had to BUY my own! Refused. I have enough Kleenex).

Did my last bit of handwashing. Threw most of my sh&t out. Hit the beach.

There was another beach, on the other side of the island, which was the 'swimming' beach. Noooooooooooow we were talking. Absolutely, completely and utterly, breathtakingly, magnificently beautiful. I mean just absolutely stunning. A curve of white sand surrounded by thickly vegetated limestone cliffs/caves/hills. Water whose colour I simply won't find enough words to describe: from the lightest of sky blues, through aquamarine, turquoise, to a deep rich midnight blue. A few longtail- and fishing-boats. Just a couple of bars and a few deckchairs. A bay which you could walk on for 1/2 mile. A light breeze which took the edge off the 30+ heat.

Yes, if I was ever going to 'get' the beach thing, this was going to be the puppy.

Needless to say I was still bored within about 1/2 hour. But to be bored in a beautiful setting is vaguely manageable.

For the proceeding 2 days I ate (lots), relaxed (lots) drank (beers, large), slept (not very much - lots of construction work on my hotel from 7am every morning), explored (Tao San town).

I saw the destruction that the Tsunami had wrought and thought, well, f&&k me. This tiny island, a 1.5 hour boat ride from the mainland. Can you even begin to imagine how it must've felt to have the most HUMUNGOUS wave in the world heading straight for you? I cannot get my head around the sheer terror those people must've suffered.

On my first night there I was quite happily ensconced in a corner of 'Cosmic' restaurant with a book, being nicely unsociable thank you very much, when an Aussie guy rocked up at my table, also with a book. When I eventually peeled myself from my cr&p chick lit (guess what? she had lots of minor dramas then everything turned out perfectly with the man of her dreams. haven't read that one 1,000 times before. whatta load of b&ll&x). Sorry, bitterness aside, he seemed OK (v effiminate - gay I assumed - so felt comfortable enough). Fabulous company - really just so nice to ACTUALLY have a conversation with someone.

You see I've been rather unsociable for the whole of September. I have simply had no interest in conversing with complete strangers - having 'The Conversation' 1,000 times over (what's your name? Where do you come from? Where have you travelled? Where are you going? Then the bid to out-do each other with travellers tales - be it more dangerous/drunken/adventurous/far-flung than the next person). I would rather feel lonely by myself than lonely within a group of people. If I want to get drunk, I will get drunk with my girlfriends back at home and have a f&&king good time, not be surrounded by Yanks and &^%$#@@! Israelis (and OH DEAR GOD there were so many Israelis in Ko Phi Phi - it has sparked my utter abhorrence of that species again. I'm with the Arabs - just raise the country to the ground. And no I am not joking).

So I had a larf with him, he paid the bill (!so kind!) and walked me back to my hotel. NO it was absolutely nothing like that (I have a hot date when I get back home I'll have you know! no I'm not delusional, it's a real live man who actually wants to spend time in my company. shocking and v exciting). Anyways it was just really lovely to find someone HUMAN as opposed to some waste of space layabout 20-something who is trying to 'find themselves'. Puhlease. He introduced me to the 'Cats In The Fridge' in one of the restaurants. Yes these cats found it so hot, day and night, that they'd taken to sleeping in the bottom of the fridge with the beers. Obviously their owners tried to shoo them out initially but gave up and admitted it's quite a crowd-pleaser anyway:

Ha ha. Soooooooooooooo on Wednesday evening I watched the most STUNNING sunset E.V.E.R. The colours were so f&&king intense you could not have painted or dreamt such a sight. Beauty enough to get your place within the world/universe in perspective and to thank [someone - God/whoever] for the joy of life.

(I do have other pics to put in here but for some reason the computer wont let me )

And yesterday I hit the road again... raaaaaaaaaather choppy waters on the ferry on the way back, then the 'executive' bus to Bangkok. Yes I paid for the cheap bus again. Yes it was a mistake again. Yes I only had about 1.5 inches of leg space and was surrounded by &^%$#@! Israelis. Yes I only got about 4 hours sleep. Yes I now feel INCREDIBLY scummy and really need a shower and to brush my teeth (at least I can do the teeth - shower has to wait 'til Walthamstow now ). HOWEVER they did show the fabbest DVDs - "Don't Mess With The Zohan" (new Adam Sandler one - cheesy but quite funny in parts) and "Wanted" (the new one with the gorgeous Angelina J... fab bit of fantasty action ).

And lo, I found myself back on the Khao San road at 5.45am this morning. Just a few strays still on their nights out, but not as messy as I'd aniticpated. Luckily for me there are 24 hour internet places, so whilst waiting for a cafe (followed possibly by a massage), I thought I'd say hey.

I think at this point I want to summise a few things:

Things to be thankful for

• London: in all it's cultural, architectural, culinary, public-transported, historical, fantastical glory. Yes the weather's miserable but do you know what? The Med is only a 2 hour flight away and it means we don't get &^$%#@! mosquitoes. Yes the people are miserable but also have the best sense of humour in the world. Yes the transport can be cr&p, but when it works it is daaaaaaaaaaamned good. You will never, ever, ever, ever get bored of London.
  
• My friends: As stated above, I have been entirely unsociable this entire trip and have wished on many occasions that I could be sharing moments/evenings/sights with people I love - it just gives everything 1,000 times more meaning. Sharing stuff with complete strangers simply doesn't hit the same spot.
  
• Living in Western Society. We are not a Muslim state: women (although still not anywhere near 'equal' in England) are a FOOK LOAD better off than most women in this world. We have freedom of speech: if we disagree with the Government we can d&mn well say so without fear of incarceration. If we have half a brain, or artistic bones in our body - whatever - we are actively ENCOURAGED to develop them and not kept any eye on by the state, just in case we develop a bit too much independent thought. We can be employed as whatever we like: people in SE Asia really value education and do degrees... but then HAVE to take whatever menial, insulting job they can simply because unemployment and poverty here and so humungous. They can't choose to go back to uni/ change career/ chuck in their job because they're bored.
  

Things I vow to do when home

• Eat an absolute truck load of fruit and veg: I swear I've hardly eaten 5 portions of fruit and vegetables this entire month, let alone each day. It's SO D&MNED HARD to get the goodness you need on the road. As a result, although I feel 'spiritually realigned', I feel physically a bit pooey. Waitrose here I come. Just the freedom to choose what you eat and when has truly inspired me to get in the kitchen and teach myself to cook once and for all (yes girls you are reading this right! I may have to practice on everybody - be warned...)
  
• Get into that gym: OK I've not been sitting on my a&se in an office 9 hours/day, but by the same token I've not done an ounce of vigorous exercise and have lost all that lovely tone I'd built up! First thing Monday....
  
• Be more artistic and read more: I've read more books in the last month than in the last year and I really want to keep that up. Also seeing gorgeous historical embroideries and artefacts has really spurred me to get going on my cross-stitch creation once more...
  

Highlights of my trip

• Singapore
  
• Ko Phi Phi @ sunset
  
• Thai people and food
  
• Lake Toba in Sumatra (the volcanic lake)
  
• The kindness of all those strangers from all countries. The subsequent reaffirmation of my faith in human nature.
  

Lowlights of my trip

• Most of Sumatra - sorry I guess this could count as a highlight (in the adventure stakes), but it was just f&&king hard going - especially me as a single woman in a Muslim country in Ramadan. Not eating during the day? Please! And when I did eat, E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. was deep fried. Eeurgh. The country is v v basic, transport is sh&t - everything was just hard
  
• f&&king mosquitoes
  
• f&&king sunburn
  
• Realising that I am probably too old to be doing things this way any more. Whenever I get this bright idea in my head again can one of you please slap me, or at least remind me that I have to do it with slightly more style (half-decent hotels and flights, not buses). And preferably with someone.
  

I think that's that....... My flight is at 8pm this evening and I think I'm back at Gatwick at 7am-ish tomorrow morning. I'm all yours until Thurs night and then I'm afraid I'm off again to Rome! Well Ryanair did have a good sale on a few months ago.......................................

I will see you all v v soon xxxxxxxxxxxx